“Since I started drinking at 30 it’s been Jameson on the rocks, though the Jameson ad campaigns on the subway have made me think maybe I should switch, since those ads clearly convey that if you drink Jameson you’re an asshole or a corporate tool. Or perhaps I’m being dense and this was the way I was supposed to discover I’m an asshole and a corporate tool.”—God, I love Ira Glass (via edp) (I love him, too.)
My brother and I went to Walgreens yesterday, both needing to buy soap. We got to the check out counter and both of the soaps rang up at full price. I remember seeing that they were buy one get one 50% off, so I mentioned it to the cashier. He called back to a stock boy to go check on the price, the stock boy lazily walked to the counter, lollygagged to the soap aisle, and then came back confirming that they were on sale. We waited a little longer for the cashier to do his sassy cashier stuff. The cashier rang up the rest of our stuff, I paid and started to leave and the cashier said, “you didn’t pay for your soap, you have to have a manager come ring you up for the discount.” I laughed and said okay. We waited. Waited. 20 minutes later the manager came up and rang us up and we left. I saved $4.25 for waiting 20 minutes. That’s an hourly rate of only $12.75 for my time. We were both going to buy the soap no matter how much it was. My brother and I laughed at our wasted time and said, “this is where people say, ‘I don’t care about the discount…it’s the principle.’” It’s funny how people never say that when things work out. You never have something nice happen for you and say “I’m glad the principle of that worked.” Anyway, the bank fucked up my account today and I didn’t care so much because I know it’ll work out eventually, but still, “it’s the principle,” I said. I hate myself sometimes.
Annie > Hello Bailey, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Annie. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Annie > I'm sorry if this has caused you inconvenience in any way. I am happy to have you on this chat to be of service to you. We remain committed in providing you with the best customer service. I can certainly assist you with your log in.
Bailey > Thank you
Annie > You are most welcome, Bailey.
Annie > May I ask if you are referring to your Comcast account?
Bailey > yeah I am
Annie > Alright.
Bailey > It asked what my favorite pet's name was and I thought it was my cat Jake because I like him best but it said that wasn't the right answer, so I guess don't tell my cat that he's not my favorite.
Annie > May I ask for the username that you are using to log in?
Bailey > I don't know what that is either, I think it's baileysiewert or bsiewert. Can I give you my account number?
Annie > I am sorry about that, Bailey.
Annie > Let me first pull up your account.
Bailey > I would be more sorry for my cat, he used to be my favorite.
Annie > Please verify your account number, full name and the last four digits of your SSN.
Bailey > Last name first but not making it my first name is Siewert with a captial S and first name last is Bailey like the alcohol although I do not drink also my last four of my SSN will be in between these eight letters abcdefgh ab1cd2ef3gh4.
Bailey > Shoot me a 10-4 if you got all of that.
Annie > Thank you for that information.
Annie > Please verify your account number, Bailey.
Bailey > my account number is 81552111117504204. I can put those numbers in numberical order for you if you'd like.
Annie > Thank you for that additional information.
Annie > Please give me one moment to pull up your account and get the informations that you are needing.
Bailey > If you'd like more additional information I can give you that too. Like, I have brown hair and I like cats a whole lot.
Annie > While waiting, please allow me to take this oppurtunity to share with you one of the main features that you can get with Comcast which is our online site, http://www.fancast.com. It offers full television episodes, full-length feature films, trailers and video clips to both Comcast subscribers and non-subscribers. If you missed out on your favorite TV shows, you do not need to worry next time. Certainly you will enjoy this feature as another innovation, only from Comcast.
Annie > Those informations that you have provided are fine, Bailey.
Annie > Thank you.
Bailey > I usually don't worry about missing TV shows, but I appreciate your concern.
Annie > Thank you.
Bailey > Thank you, Annie.
Annie > You are most welcome.
Annie > Bailey, I now have your log in informations with me.
Annie > Your log in username is:baileysiewert
Annie > And your complete Comcast email address is:email@example.com
Annie > Your log in password is:tentsoup
Bailey > I really want to know which pet is my favorite.
Bailey > tentsoup! That sounds awful! Who would eat that?
Annie > Please try to log in using these informations so we can check if it is working.
Annie > That is just a temporary password, Bailey.
Bailey > Okay I'll do that, hold on a second Annie. ("second" is just a phrase, don't hold me to such a limited amount of time.)
Annie > You may it changed after you have logged in.
Annie > Regarding your favorite pet, you may update the answer once you are logged in to your account.
Annie > To protect the security of your account, please change your password to a password you only know and easy for you to remember. You can change your password by going to this link https://customer.comcast.com/Public/Home.aspx and simply click Users & Settings tab, click on "Change password" and click on "Ok" or "Update"
Bailey > "I may it changed?" Annie! That's silly talk.
Annie > Oh, sorry about that.
Bailey > Annie! It worked!
Bailey > I logged in!
Annie > I just mistyped the letters.
Bailey > You're like a magician.
Bailey > I understand. I do that too.
Annie > What I actually mean is you may have it changed.
Annie > That's great!
Bailey > I don't remember the last time I was this happy.
Annie > I am glad to know that I made you happy today, Bailey.
Annie > I am glad to have resolved this for you, Bailey. Just to make sure that I have covered all of your concerns, would there be anything else I might help you with today with your Comcast services?
Bailey > I should talk to you every day.
Annie > Sure you may!
Bailey > What does Comcast mean?
Bailey > Sorry, that's a pretty existential question.
Annie > Comcast is the name of the company of your service provider, Bailey.
Annie > That's fine.
Bailey > I hope you have a great night, Annie. I'll tell my cat Jake that you said he's your favorite.
Annie > Thank you, Bailey.
Bailey > Sweet dreams.
Annie > I hope you and Jake will have a great night as well.
Annie > Thank you.
Annie > You have a sweet dream too.
Annie > Comcast appreciates your business and values you as a customer. Our goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialists 24 hour a day, 7 days a week at http://www.comcastsupport.com/videochat . To close this chat, please click the END SESSION button at the top right side of your chat window.
Bailey > Thank you. I will now.
Annie > You are most welcome.
Annie > Please click on the END SESSION button to close the chat.
Annie > Bailey, are you still with me? Please click on the END SESSION button to close the chat.
Bailey > Sorry, I was jus reminiscing of our time together. Good night Annie.