Every conversation I've ever had with a hotel desk clerk
Clerk:
Welcome, Mr. ... SUUURRRHHHH?
Me:
Hi. Thanks.
Clerk:
So it's just the one night?
Me:
Yes.
Clerk:
Excellent. We have the room ready.
Me:
Great.
Clerk:
I just need to see your cattle prod and proof of self-loathing.
Me:
I'm sorry?
Clerk:
Your picture ID is all I need.
Me:
Oh, sure, sorry. Here.
Clerk:
...and the credit card you reserved with.
Me:
Right, ok. There.
Clerk:
And will you be sacrificing virgins in our fitness center?
Me:
What was that?
Clerk:
DO YOU NEED THE FREE WIFI.
Me:
Um, yes. Thank you?
Clerk:
Very well then, I can set that up for you! Now if you'll just diddle me with a pineapple I'll be happy to have Sadiq here take your bags to the incinerator.
Me:
I don't think that's necessary.
Clerk:
It's completely free!
Me:
Maybe I misunderstood you.
Clerk:
That seems likely! Enjoy your stay. The elevators are just on the other side of the hellmouth.
