This is Jake. You guys know Jake. What you don’t know is that Jake was bought for me by my best friend Lindsay (buy one get one free cat deal.) If it weren’t for Lindsay, there would be no Jake (well he’d exist, but he wouldn’t be on the internet with me. Plus he’d be going by his pound name “Dude” and there can only be one Dude.) Without Jake, I would’ve had nothing to tweet about, and nothing to tweet about means I wouldn’t have met any of you fine folk. What I’m saying is, I owe Lindsay for her friendship, for Jake and for you, and for all of the amazing things that have happened by having her in my life. Another thing I am saying is that my best friend Lindsay was just diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. It’s a shock, and while I’m not (directly) asking for money, I am asking that you do a few things for me. Ladies and gentlemen, go get a breast exam, not from my current doctor who does not own a computer, does not know they exist, and who took my three page medical history by hand with a fountain pen (oh I wish I was joking), but from a real 2012 doctor. I am also asking you to stay in better touch with your loved ones. Lastly, I’m asking you to help me spread the word of this fundraiser my friend put together to help Lindsay get a wig made. (Lindsay has been keeping a blog of this whole experience and she says,“They say that its not the vanity of the hair, but just the normalcy that comes from looking at your self in the mirror and feeling like you are still you.” ) I can’t donate any hair because I don’t have enough, and because it’s not asking for any, but hey, remember when I chopped all of my hair off in 2009? Guess what I did with it. I Donated it to Locks of Love. I guess what I’m rambling about is, just live a good life. Not good in the “how are you?” “Good.” way, but as in, do good. Consider donating hair to Locks of Love, consider donating money to (breast) cancer research, consider donating blood, consider being a bone marrow donor, consider living a healthy life so that if someone you love is ever in a dire situation, there are ways you can help them that doesn’t involve money. Fuck, consider what would happen if you were even in need of help. This is all smashing together in a mess of thoughts and words, but what I’m saying is, fuck cancer, I love my Lindsay.